Distractions...

like really...

this last week to 10 days have thrown me so outta whack it's not funny. As pastors we have this week off to rest and refresh our spirits but wow, as I remember (because apparently I have forgotten) all that is coming up, I am finding that it is like walking up a steep mountainside barefoot with no food. Seriously, I am so beat down by these last (holi)days that I am really finding it hard to be productive, even in resting. I am distracted, tired, a little discouraged from some things that have happened lately. I feel unprepared in my rest time to accomplish anything.

But that doesn't change the fact that...

The worship team and myself and possibly some other leaders are preparing for a fast (are supposed to be) and all I could think about a week ago was the fast and how I was ready to do ANYTHING to find God. To starve for Him, whatever. I wanted to know Him more. Well the deadline is coming up for starting the fast (this Sunday) and I still hadn't really communicated with my team about the start date or shared my heart with the other leaders about joining us.

Well last night I just had to face that this was a God thing not an emotional thing. God called us to this and I just have to man up. I sat down and emailed my team, shared my vision and time line for the fast, and challenged others to join. It's going to happen. I need this fast. I need God in such a new way, and now I just have to follow through and show some discipline. I've fasted before, but never with a desperation for God, never really wanting to see God NOW in His splendor moving in my life, and now I am really struggling with that hunger for........ hunger. Pray for me, cause' I need this time to get with God. I know I am called to a new standard of life and relationship with God, but I am getting the crap beat outta me.

But... God is bigger.

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Why I worship...

My passion for music thrives in songs that involve new ways to communicate with God “I’m Counting on You”, singing straight to him “Lord You are Good”, or publicly honoring Him “Our God is an Awesome God”. I always try to pick music for worship sets that will encourage and challenge the people taking part, and give them a chance to declare their faith, even when it seems hard or unemotional. Our goal in worship is to love, honor, exalt, put our trust in, and declare God’s name in all the Earth. Worship is about God, but He is so loving and kind, that He will respond to us with healing, release annointing on us, or give us revelation about our circumstances. He may even respond by revealing more about who He is. Some people get so focused on receiving during worship that they lose focus on what worship truly is and miss out on all these things.

I was reminded of something a few weeks ago while I was singing a worship song that a mainstream christian artist wrote. It talked about bringing our worship as an offering. To those who say “DUH,” I will now refer you all back to my subbanner on the front page. Too often, we breeze by words like “offering” without thinking about them, and sometimes throw words like “sacrifice” and “offering” into the same catagory. Even the dictionary is guilty of this to some degree. Well, STOP THAT! The dictionary doesn’t have a disclaimer in the back stating that its God breathed, so sometimes it might not have it all right. Sacrifice, in the old testament, was a mandatory, religious act required by LAW. Now, you could offer a sacrifice from the heart, but I believe that you’d be taking part in something more like an offering. It’s ALL from the heart, nothing is required. It’s above and beyond anything a sacrifice could ever be. That is worship! That’s what is so great about our worship. It doesn’t have to be full of hype and emotion to be a true offering to God. We’re standing there, lifting up a song to God, hoping to enter into His throne room because we’re forgiven. It’s just us and God. He’s the one that will make it passionate and fun. It’s relationship; an overflow of our time with Him throughout the week. We have to stop faking this, or we’ll be in danger of missing out on the blessings of worship.

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Seriously???

Is it really a week away from Christmas???
Wow, that’s scary.

My little girl is 7 months old???
Wow, that’s horribly scary.

I’m 24, and I feel like I am JUST now tapping into who God is, how to walk out my faith (to where it actually causes something to happen, cuz that’s how big God is), and realizing that I have to do whatever it takes to see the people around me grow closer to God.

Wow, that’s eternally scary.

Life is really so short. Again, I’m 24 and I am realizing this, what about those that are older, you’ve got less time. (I say this intentionally, not to be mean, but if you’re anything like me [stubborn, hard-headed, self-minded] you need to be SHAKEN, sometimes really anxious, and scared to make the necessary changes) Well……. we only have so much time on this earth.

I’ve found that I really need perspective in my life. I need a mission trip to really see for myself, that which I know, that America is nothing else like the rest of the world. Man, people are dying daily for the name of Jesus Christ. Husbands, wives, sons, daughters. They experience God daily because they have nothing else to rely on; to distract them. I need a fast to REALLY seek God, to get out of my daily routine.

You know, I really dont know what to do with myself after 6pm EVERY night. I watch TV. No matter what is on, seriously. I realized this just a day ago when I sat down at 8, after burning 2 hours waiting for “my” shows to come on, and watched 2 completely uninteresting, boring shows because both my shows were not on. Wow. Life is so much better than this……

I need perspective. My God can raise the dead. My God can create a new heart out of a broken, or wicked, or greedy, or distracted, or sin-filled, or adulterous heart. My God can change the heart of a nation, or send out people to establish a new one, think about it now, 200? years later. My God can and has made me useful through my failures, sins, weaknesses (And my God promises that that will not change any time soon, for you either). My God shaped my daughter in her mommies womb. My God CAN heal me, heal you.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Now, NOW NOW NOW. The power of God is here NOW!!

I want God near, in, around, working through me. And an awesome bonus besides KNOWING God is that He doesn’t go anywhere without His power!!!!

Are you ready for real life too?

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The worship team...

over the last year.

Me, Sarah, Matt, Amanda, John, Mark.

We’ve lost some people and gained some. John went from guitarist to heading up our youth worship team and co-leading on Sundays. Matt has switched from acoustic to bass, and Kevin left the team to focus on source groups, which was an awesome advancement for source groups. Marsha got married and left us. / I was not even a staff member this time last year, I don’t think so anyways. We have changed formats/ service order about 20 times, and every time was to please the heart of God. We’ve done 4 songs, 3 songs, songs written by us, special communion songs, RIP your face off praise God’s face songs, etc., etc..

I know there is more, but I want to say that this year will be so much crazier and more effective if we, the worship team, stay before God, and really start pushing back on God (in a good way) as He challenges our faith. Meaning we start taking Him at His word, biblically, and in relational revelation. I believe God has called us to a fast in January, and I am believing, and praying, because God has spoken, that a second worship team will be raised up this year. A second team consists of NEW, unstretched, undistracted, musicians, singers, and worship leaders. All this amongst the changes and plans God has called us to as a church. HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE.

You know why? Because I think we’ve caught just a small, teenie, tiny glimpse of the God that we serve. I know that I have, and God please give us more of You.

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Breanne...

is 7 months and 9 days old today, and wow she is getting so big. I finally found and bought the necessary cord to connect our video camera up to my computer so I can store the files on a dvd, and as I watched the first 2 months of video I was amazed at how huge she is compared to just 4-5 months ago. It’s scary knowing she’s growing up and there’s nothing I can do about it. But it’s also so amazing, even before she was born, at 5 weeks old, at the size of, I think, a seed, her heart was already beating (that’s a fact, look it up).

As many times as I’ve listed the bad habits I’ve gotta break before she gets too old, I have not quit doing them, and I think she’s a lot more perceptive to what Ashley and I do than we realize. It’s also no help that she’s ahead on her developmental skills than average babies. Thank you God!!! We took her to the doctor’s yesterday and she is a wonderful 16.4 pounds, healthy, smart, table paper destroying little baby. The doctor walked in and I just informed her that the shredded and balled up paper on the table was there when we walked in, and so were the other 2 sheets in the trash…….

She had shots yesterday and lately her cries have been much more emotional, sounding upset, angry, ANGRY!! Well, she’s always had one that when she is REALLY upset or like when she’s gotten shots before, she has a certain cry that starts normal but it quickly goes subsonic and you can no longer hear her but she continues to fade a deep shade of red with mouth wide open and tears filling her eyes.

Well lately when she really cries for help (she fell on the tile yesterday morning resulting in a compact version of this cry) I’ve found the urge to immediately find someone and rip their head off for her sake, and so I can blame someone for her pain. I mean, before I even know what’s going on or where she is as soon as I hear that sound I have to force myself to get away from the walls as to not put an arm through them. Needless to say, I don’t like my little girl crying…

But I realize NOW THAT SHES CRAWLING that these will be much more common around our house, she’s growing and growing and growing.

Life is rolling on for Her for me for the church….. you know, what other beautiful, little things are we missing out on daily as EVERYTHING around us just keeps rolling on?

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Needs to change...

Romans 1 to sum up… Paul attirutes to ungodly and unrighteous people as those who did not honor God and give thanks to God as God. That scares the frik outta me. Because if we stop screwing around and lying to ourselves I would at least admit that I dont even treat God as good as a king, or spouse even……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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……………………………………………….. and it’s that kinda crap that has to be fixed.

Am I ungodly and unrighteous? Heck yes, but I dont want that to be said of me because I did not treat God as God.

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Warning, I'm in a mood...

I’m starting to wonder more and more… If jesus had just left, 2008, died and rose again, then ascended, 2008. No churches, no leadership, just religious folk. Who would be the apostles…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
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Would I? Would you?

Who the freak would have the guts to be a man, stand up, and do what God is saying to do. No wonder they hid away in a room, all huddled together. I am churchified….. I really don’t know how to follow God day in and day out. I get it right, a little, sometimes, but man…. to have no leadership telling me what to do next. Well, oddly enough I’m getting stupid (and desperate) enough to wonder what would happen if I said to hell (bibically, of course) with expectations, and consequences, nothing compares with obeying God and taking STUPID (according to unbelievers) leaps of faith to see God move in, through, and before me.

I’m reading Romans eight times this month, that’s how CRAZY I am.
Really, even that’s lame…

Seriously, I have a wife and daughter, and family and friends whom I love very much, so to put it all second hurts. But, by God, I hate them all compared to how much I want to love God, who solely deserves my love and obedience. I don’t know what I have to do, but I know that my life is meant for so much more than this. These can’t be just empty words. Will I die for God? Can I live for God?

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